1. If You Want To Seem Relevant But Not Basic:
Is it weird that 90 percent of my articles feature some sort of thinly-veiled endorsement? I have a feeling it might be, but if there’s any sort of constructive criticism happening in the comments, then I’m not seeing it, I’m not hearing it. So, yeah, I love and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t consider pulling a Cheryl and burning my life to the ground the second something mildly uncomfortable happens to me. And if there’s any holiday that offers drunk, hedonistic, uncomfortable situations, it’s Halloween. Because trust me, you will be tested with shit, like watching a Black Swan dry hump a Where’s Waldo while you try to squeeze past their gyrating bodies to order a well drink made with the cheapest vodka
Hair of The Dog this bar could scrounge up. Fam, there are some things you can’t unsee.
So what better way to combat this crowd and channel your inner psychotic pyro Cheryl, than by dressing up as a River Vixen for Halloween? is on the rise right now, so odds are people will get your costume and applaud you for being relevant, but not basic like the other 20 girls at the bar dressed like Wonder Woman. I mean look, at the end of the day you’re just another girl dressed as a slutty cheerleader. It’s not groundbreaking by any means, but if anyone asks you can just tell them that, no, you’re not just a cheerleader but a River Vixen, aka the cream of the crop on a show that also co-stars a twin. Actually, leave that last part out. You want to seem cool, not like you stay up late Googling old articles.
^^And if that’s not how you make your entrance at a bar, then you’re doing this costume a disservice.
2. If You’re Lazy AF:
If you’re one of those people who always waits until the last minute to find a Halloween costume because the thought of braving a Ricky’s during the height of Halloween season literally makes you break out in hives (fair), then this costume is about to change your fucking life. made Holly Golightly relevant again (as if she ever wasn’t), and that’s just another reason why I worship Reese Witherspoon. The beauty of this costume is that you already own 90 percent of this shit. Plus people will probably think you’re cultured AF for dressing up like a vintage movie star, that they won’t even notice you’re literally wearing pajamas to the bar. Blessings.
3. If You’re Good With Makeup:
Word to the wise, DO NOT attempt to pull off this costume idea unless you know your way around a MAC palette. And FYI, just because you follow Kylie Jenner on Instagram, that does not make you a beauty expert. I’m warning you rn because someone—not me, but someone—attempted this costume last year, and instead of looking like a hot gypsy about to tell some beautiful unsuspecting man that his fortune is
to marry me this person, they ended up looking like Quasimodo in a crop top. So proceed at your own peril Instagram likes. Other than the makeup aspect, this costume is actually easy AF to pull off. All you’ll need is a crop top, a maxi skirt, and that fugly scarf your mom bought you that one year for Christmas to makeshift into a head scarf.
4. If You Just Want To Look Hot:
If your idea of a good time on Halloween is just to look hot AF, then, like, I can’t fault you for that. Live your truth. And what better way to embrace your inner thot than by covering your entire body in glitter and spandex? I mean, is being an alien that creative of an idea? I’d say it’s about as innovative as the slutty schoolgirl, but whatever, you’ll look hot. I’m calling it rn though, any sorority girl with a highlighter is about to be all over the alien costume, so prepare yourselves for the youths.
5. If You’re Trying To Be Funny/Political:
Kendall Jenner Delivering World Peace
If you’re the type of person who’s always trying to make a statement with your costume, then this idea is classic for Halloween 2017. It’s super easy to pull off—all you need is a jean jacket and a Pepsi can. I mean, is it tasteless? Yes. Will you probs make an enemy at the bar? Only if they can tell who you’re dressed up as. Whatever, in a world full of people dressing up like Hillary and Trump, be another insensitive white person, a Kendall Jenner.
6. If You DGAF About Halloween But Still Want To Look Hot AF:
Shop Betches “I’m A Mouse Duh” T-Shirt Dress
Honestly, iconic. Not to like, brag, but there’s a reason this shit sold out last year. It’s sexy, cool, and most importantly requires the bare fucking minimum to pull off the look. And honestly that’s really all I strive for in this life. You’re fucking welcome, betches.
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